Back to the basics

(A revelation of the fundamentals of life and living during my tryst with surgery and hospitalization)

Ambitions of life normally pivot around achieving success in academics and career, becoming rich and famous, travelling, writing, attaining spiritual bliss and other such stuff. These are the “big rocks” of life, which when successfully addressed, give one a sense of expansion and growth. Ambitions vary from person to person, and are based on ones values and outlook towards life. I too have my share of such worldly ambitions, and I have been extra passionate about them until recently when I had to undergo a surgery. The view of the world was quite different from the operation table and the hospital bed. They brought me back to the basics, and obliged me to recalibrate my world vision, in juxtaposition to the lofty dreams spun in the comfort of home, and within the board rooms of corporate world.

When the anesthetist was administering general anesthesia on me, the only question that flashed across my mind was, whether I shall wake up from the sleep that is being induced by the drug. Before I could ponder over the non-zero possibility of “what-if I don’t” situation, the drug overtook my senses, and I quickly sank into the grip of unconsciousness. All that I remember of the two hours slumber that followed, are dreams of my daughter and her nursery rhymes. The next I remember, was being woken up by the doctors and informed that the surgery has been successfully completed. I remember having attempted to smile and utter “thank you”. I derived an extreme sense of achievement not as much by the thought of having gotten rid of my ailment, as by the thought of having woken up successfully from my sleep. It made me realize how survival is the first basic instinct of man.

I was kept in the recovery room for around two hours. My first thoughts while lying on the recovery bed were a conscious attempt at recalling the people in my life. And one by one the images of my wife, daughter, father, brother and other dear ones started to flash across my mind. This gave me another bout of enthusiasm as somewhere it reassured me that my “operating system” has been successfully “reloaded”. Somewhere subconsciously, I was concerned what-if I lost my memory forever! Probably a hangover of Bollywood movies and Indian TV serials that frequently show loss of memory (yaaddasht) of the protagonist as the central theme of their stories. Secondly, it showed me what matters to me the most in life.  The relationships that I value dearly, form the centre of my life. It also made me conclude that a sense of belongingness is perhaps the second basic instinct of man; after all, man is a social being.

I called out for my wife, and the nursing staff obliged by allowing her into the recovery room for a while. The first sight of her gave me a sense of homecoming – here I come victorious from the battlefield! Her touch on my forehead was very reassuring – an unsaid acknowledgement of an unseen victory. She informed me about what the doctor told her outside the Operation Theatre immediately after my surgery, and how he was concerned that the gallbladder had become so full of stones, and that any further delay could have been dangerous. It was only then that it fully dawned upon me that the purpose of the surgery has been successfully addressed. The “game plan” of the universe, to deliver me out of adversity, became crystal clear. When I was first diagnosed with stones, I was disappointed and questioned “why me?”. But now, with that behind me, and the realization that it was a stitch in time, and a saving from a potentially worse situation, made me feel the protecting hand of God around me. It also occurred to me that faith in the supreme power is the other fundamental instinct of man.

Soon I was transferred to my room in the hospital. It was to be my home for the next two days. In the first few hours, my inability to do on my own, the otherwise mundane tasks, like sitting up, getting out of bed, eating and drinking, and attending to nature’s call, made me realize how fortunate I have been until this surgery to have been physiologically self-dependent. I have always been empathetic about the differently abled people, but it was for the first time that the empathy grew so profound in me. Gradually, as I recovered, I managed to regain my independence. What a tremendous sense of victory it was when I could sit up for the first time on my own, or get out of the bed without anyone’s help. A trivial task of being able to attend to nature’s call by walking up to the toilet on my own, turned out to be such an extraordinary achievement for me. Each next step was a new hurdle to be crossed. When the doctor decided to discharge me from the hospital, on one hand I was elated that I would go home, but on the other hand I was anxious how I would get into the car with all the aching sutures in my thorax. And finally, when I managed to sit comfortably in the car, it was yet another extraordinary achievement. The images of my home and my daughter’s giggles kept playing on my mind, and the longing to be home and kiss my daughter, increased, as the driver drove me home, with my wife beside me.

Soon I was home with my family. The sutures still ached, and locomotion was still discomforting, as I recovered over the next days at home. But the ordeal was seemingly over. A close friend of mine who had visited me at the hospital had given me a copy of the booklet “Stories from Vedanta” published by the Ramakrishna Math and Mission. As I poured over the stories, my attention was diverted from my body to the Atman and the Brahman postulated in the Vedanta philosophy. While the body may suffer, the spirit (Atman) transcends beyond bodily pains and pleasures.

Most importantly, the experience of my surgery and associated hospitalization, taught me an important lesson. Life is much more than the lofty dreams of future. The beauty of life lies in the present. Every moment is precious and must be thoroughly lived, enjoyed and valued. The smiles and tears of our loved ones this very moment, the raindrops and sunshine that nature offers right now, the feelings and thoughts that occur now, are for real, and must not be taken for granted. While ambitions must exist to keep propelling ourselves and mankind to newer heights, at the same time, a deep sense of gratitude must prevail for what we already possess in terms of worldly possessions, relationships, health, and abilities. We must remember that there are people in this world for whom our life is already a dream life. In our prayers, we must not just ask God for more, but also thank Him for what He has already bestowed upon us.